Of Birds and Bees
by lucklessdreamer
Summary: Puck and Rachel have a talk about the birds and the bees.


A/N: Just a couple warnings/disclaimers. 1. As long as you've seen all 15, you're golden. This takes place directly after 1.15, but there aren't any spoilers. 2. Puck has a dirty mouth and he has the mind of, well, a 16 year old boy. I don't share his opinions... just write 'em down. 3. Forgive me if I've messed up anything about the Jewish religion. All I know is from google, so I apologize in advance if I've gotten something incorrect.

**Of Birds and Bees**

There is exactly one synagogue in Lima.

It's more than enough for the small town's Jewish population.

Rachel attends every week with her dads. She wears the most modest skirt from her wardrobe and the Star of David around her neck.

She has been a part of this small community from the time she was born, so she knows everyone by name. There are few newcomers and the same faces pop up every week.

So, there's rarely any surprises come Saturday morning.

This morning, however, just as Rabbi Greenburg is beginning, the doors open and Rachel peeks over her shoulder to see who's coming late.

It's not a surprise that it's Mrs. Puckerman and Hannah, Puck's little sister. They're always late.

What is a surprise is that Puck is trailing behind them, his shoulders slouched, his head down, and his hands buried in his pockets. He obediently follows his mother to the front, not even bothering to lift his head.

If he had, he would have caught Rachel's smile and small wave as he passed her.

It's rare to see Puck at any religious gathering and she imagines this morning his mother finally won the battle.

Or maybe it's what he exchanged in order for Quinn to stay with them - regard for his Jewish roots and Saturday morning services with his mom and sister.

Rachel tries her best to concentrate on Rabbi Greenburg, but finds her eyes pull to Puck on their own accord. She spends more than half of the service just watching him.

He appears to be paying attention, but she imagines the downward pull of his lips and his eyes rolling every two minutes as he does so, and it makes her smile.

Before she realizes it, her fathers are telling her that the service is over and it's time to go. She doesn't remember a word that Rabbi Greenburg said, but she does remember every time Puck ran a hand over his Mohawk and down his neck.

"I actually wanted to stay and speak to Rabbi Greenburg… in private. You don't have to wait," she tells them.

They smile and nod approvingly, kissing her on the cheek and then join the masses filing outside.

Rachel remains in her seat, anticipating a long wait for the Rabbi's undivided attention. She feels the nervousness tug at her stomach, unsure of how he'll react to her topic of choice, but he's her last resort.

Miss Pillsbury _is_ a guidance counselor, so Rachel doesn't think she'd lead her astray.

The synagogue is nearly empty when the Puckermans finally pass her sitting alone. Mrs. Puckerman stops when she spots Rachel, effectively stopping Puck and Hannah too, and says animatedly, "Hello, Rachel!"

"Hi, Mrs. Puckerman, Hannah…" Her eyes flicker to Puck and she add softly, "Noah."

He looks away from her, training his eyes on the ground, but a lopsided smile eventually forms on his lips. It causes Rachel to smile in return.

"Where are your fathers, dear?"

"They went outside. I'm just waiting to speak with Rabbi Greenburg."

"Well, I'm going to go catch them before they leave." She fishes through her purse and presses the keys she finds into Puck's hand. "Noah, give Rachel a ride home. Hannah and I will get a ride with her fathers - it's on the way. Nice seeing you, dear."

She doesn't even give him a chance to argue, just takes Hannah by the hand and hurries outside.

It's silent in the synagogue, the chatter from outside muted by the doors that close after Puck's mother and sister.

Puck stands there awkwardly, the keys hanging from his fingers while Rachel sits primly, her hands folded in her lap, staring at Puck.

"You don't have to, you know," she finally says. "Give me a ride home."

He shrugs. "S'okay."

"Would you like to sit down?" She gestures to the seat beside her.

Puck drops down unceremoniously but keeps a safe distance from her. There's easily room for another (large) person to sit between them.

The silence is present once more, but it's practically unbearable for Rachel, so she takes it upon herself to fill it, "I'm surprised to see you here today. You almost never come with your mom and your sister."

"Just wanted my mom to get off my back. She's been bugging me for weeks about coming."

"Well… it's nice that you did something to make your mom happy."

"Yeah, well, she already thinks I'm a bad Jew for knocking up Saint Quinn. She about died when she saw that cross around her neck," he laughs.

Rachel rolls her eyes, but she can't help but smirk when she thinks of Mrs. Puckerman's reaction to the president of the celibacy club, with that shining gold cross around her neck and her rounding stomach, coming through her door.

Silence reigns again. The synagogue is empty and there's no sign of Rabbi Greenburg.

"Is this gonna take long?" Puck finally asks. "Cause I got an X-Box Live throw down at noon…"

"I told you. You don't have to wait for me. My house is only a few blocks away."

"My mom would freak if I didn't take you home. She's pretty much reached her maximum pissed off limit before she takes a hammer to my X-Box, so…"

"How chivalrous of you, Noah," she drawls.

He grins, ignoring the sarcasm lacing her words. "Why ya waiting around for the Rabbi anyway?"

She looks straight ahead, tugging nervously at her skirt. "It's private."

Puck scoots closer, slinging an arm over the back of the pew. "Does this have anything to do with you giving it up to that douche Jesse?"

Her head snaps in his direction, her eyes wide and her mouth opened in surprise. "Who told you that?" she demands.

"Finn's a yenta."

"Oh god," she groans, burying her face in her hands, hoping to hide her red cheeks with a mask of fingers and dark hair.

"You were really going to talk about doing the dirty with a Rabbi?"

Rachel peaks at him through her fingers cautiously. "Who else am I suppose to talk to?"

He pulls at her arm, tugging it away from her face. "Dude, Rabbi Greenburg ain't got shit on me. If you want to know about sex, I'm your man. I'm pretty much a love god."

She looks at him skeptically.

"What?" he shrugs. "Girls have called me that before. During _and_ after," he assures her with a devious glint in his eyes.

"I'm not sure it's in my best interest to be taking sex advice from a 16 year old boy who's about to become a father."

"I've learned from mistakes. Rule number one: Wrap it up."

"Noah!" she shrieks, her eyes darting across the synagogue to make sure they are still alone. "Do you have to be so crass?"

He just laughs and slides closer to her. "So, what is it that you're dying to know? Different positions to try, why you can't get off, why he wants to watch gay porn before he's in the mood?"

"Oh my god," she groans, ducking her head, her cheeks flaming now. "Noah, really. I think I should just wait for Rabbi Greenburg."

"Come on, Rachel," he prods, dropping his arm so that it's around her shoulders now. "You can tell me. We're…"

"Friends?" she asks bitingly with a caustic laugh. The weight and the warmth of his arm around her makes her heart kick, so it is a struggle to remain stoic beside him.

"Well I'm a better choice for sex advice than a Rabbi. I've been around…"

"So I've noticed," she deadpans.

"Then obviously I know what I'm talking about. Just pretend I'm a younger, cooler… sexier version of Rabbi Greenburg and ask me what you were going to ask him."

She remains silent, her lips pursed tightly together and her brow furrowed in though.

"Yo, Rach," he calls, nudging her with his shoulder. "Anyone home?"

"I can't talk to you about this," she says finally.

"Look, it's cool. I wont tell anyone…"

He says it so sincerely that she truly does believe him, but when she opens her mouth to speak, no words come. It's find to hard the right ones. She knows hundreds of thousands but none of them seem to fit. Especially not when she's face-to-face with this boy and she's remembering the feel of his lips against hers, so different than Jesse's or Finn's.

"Okay, okay. Are you gonna make me guess?" He thinks for a moment, tapping his finger dramatically against his chin before he says, "If I had to wager a bet, I'd say you're a freak in the sack. You want some major kink but pretty boy's not into that. Am I right?"

She stares at him in disgust before she says, "No."

"Fine," he sighs, pulling his arm away. "Good luck with Sex 101 from a Rabbi."

There's a long beat of silence between them before she finally blurts, "I didn't do it."

"Wait… what?"

"I didn't have sex. I couldn't go through with it."

"But Finn said…"

"I know," she breathes before she confesses, "I lied."

"Well, well, well… I didn't think you had it in you, Berry," he laughs.

"Trust me, I feel badly enough lying to Finn. But I couldn't tell him the truth. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I chickened out."

"Is that why you didn't go through with it? You're still not over Finn?"

"No… yes. I mean…" She sighs, sagging against the pew. "I don't know. I'm with Jesse now and I _do_ like him. It's just that Finn's still there and I'm so confused."

"Uh…" Puck shifts uncomfortably. "Maybe you should be discussing this chick stuff with Rabbi Greenburg. Sex I can handle. Mushy feelings and crap… not so much."

"It's just… it didn't _feel_ right."

"Then maybe you were doing it wrong."

"Noah!"

"Well, are you so sure that pretty boy knows what he's doing? Seriously, Rach, he looks like he spends more time doing that same gay shit as Kurt than seducing the ladies."

"That's highly offensive," she pouts.

"I'm just saying," he breathes, his voice low and gravelly, as he ducks his head closer to hers. "Maybe you need someone more experienced to show you how it's done. Trust me, then it'll feel right. Better than that, even."

She shivers, his breath tickling her ear. And when she turns her head, just slightly, to glance at him, he's _right_ there, close enough that if she just leaned forward her lips would be on his.

"Is that a proposition?" she whispers, her heart thumping wildly against her chest and all she can think of is the boy beside her with hazel eyes and full lips (Jesse or Finn or Rabbi Greenburg aren't even vying for her attention inside her head, they are long forgotten).

"Do you want it to be?" he challenges, quirking up an eyebrow.

"Rachel!" Rabbi Greenburg calls out enthusiastically.

With a clap of his hands, he succeeds in startling Rachel and Puck and snapping them apart.

He's down the aisle and beside them quickly. "Noah, so good to see you," he greets Puck before looking to Rachel. "Sorry to keep you waiting. Are you ready for that talk?"

Rachel rises, but doesn't follow him, instead she tells him, "Actually, Rabbi Greenburg, I've just figured out exactly what my problem was." She eyes Puck meaningful and he stifles a laugh. "I guess I just needed to come to the synagogue this morning to find the answer to my prayers."

"Great, I'm glad to hear that. See you kids next week." He flits back down the aisle.

"Answer to your prayers, huh?" Puck asks cockily. "I suppose I _am _a love god."

She tugs on his hand. "I think you owe me a ride, Noah."


End file.
